


Feel Real Love

by ThatOneMawile



Series: TIF (BTIO) Oneshots and Continuations [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, M/M, On Hiatus, Pilot!AU, but this plot bunny gripped on and won't be knocked away, multiple chapter works at once? I'm crazy, oh boy, this will be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneMawile/pseuds/ThatOneMawile
Summary: Pilot!AU: “Let me get this straight, You go to Starling, behind Joe and Singh’s back none else to investigate an impossible case there only to meet the Arrow?!” Julian has really had enough of his boyfriend's life - Thankfully he's used to it by now





	1. Feel

**Author's Note:**

> I'm moving this into it's own work - so here is my Allenbert Pilot AU!
> 
> Song for this chapter - [Feel by Robbie Williams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk)

“Let me get this straight, You go to Starling, behind Joe and Singh’s back none else to investigate an impossible case there only to meet the  _ Arrow?! _ ” Julian cared about his boyfriend, he really did and he knows him, he knows he's not a liar but really? Barr’s luck has to be the worst he's ever seen.

 

His mood wasn't helped by the fact that his boyfriend and fellow CSI wouldn't be getting back in time to see Julian before the Particle Accelerator- it was Julian's night off but Barry was on call, and the sinking feeling in his stomach led into his fears that his boyfriend was going to miss the one thing he'd been excited about for  _ years  _ \- Julian would take his shift, the nice boyfriend he is but Singh was pissed about Barry’s trip to Starling. 

 

At least it wasn't like anyone cared about the fact that the two CSI’s were gay or the fact that they were in a relationship. Having a gay captain had squashed any chance of anyone ever speaking out against them - Singh would have there ass on meter duty before you could say ‘flash’. And anyway - the two worked so well that there was no need to complain (Until Barry goes an does something like  _ this. _ He really doesn't win any followers.) 

 

“Ummm…” Julian can actually  _ see  _ his boyfriend rub the back of his neck awkwardly - a tell tale sign of his uncomfortableness “Yeah? I did?” 

 

“Iris has been politely informing me for days about the Accelerator opening - don't be late to that at least. I would go with you lot but frankly…”

 

“Singh won't let you get off your shift early. I understand. Soo… What else happened while I was away?”

 

“Your foster father is very disappointed in you.”

 

“ _ Other  _ than Joe being annoyed - that I knew about. Iris informed me… Wait. Was Joe taking it out on you? He was wasn't he?” He loves how his boyfriend will fight his foster father over him but it is really not necessary… it's a nice touch though.

 

“It is fine Allen. Now get here in time for the particle accelerator opening otherwise you will have two scary West’s angry at you - you want to avoid that don't you?”

 

“I love you, you know? Of course you do… How about tomorrow we go to that Japanese restaurant around the corner? Your favourite one, just to make up for me being away so long.”

 

“Sure… We both have tomorrow night off I believe. Bear… You are fine right? You sound… Off.”

 

The line is too silent for too long - Julian’s just about to panic when he hears his boyfriend sigh unhappily “Yeah… All day I've been on a wicked coffee high Jul - I haven't even had any today. Otherwise I'm fine, and I'll be back tonight. Love you.” 

 

He cuts off before Julian can reply, and his heart sinks. Did something happen in Starling? He trusts Barry though to tell him if something's wrong and he has a pile of tests to go through before the end of his shift. He can't wait to curl up next to Barr tonight, have slim figures trace his scars from the army as they both are lured to sleep by each other's heart beats. 

 

He trusts his boyfriend with his life. Completely and fully. But hey, nothing could go wrong on a simple night in Central right?

 

* * *

 

The stirring of his gut just  _ won't stop _ and Julian can't help but text Barry as the hour of the accelerators opening draws near, worry eating at his soul. He's worried for Iris and Barry, he doesn't know why - it's a normal night in Central and they will be fine otherwise Joe would never let them out of the house and Julian respects Joe. He gets along well with him, the man respecting the CSI for his skills and commitment to his relationship with Barry and the feeling is mutual. Julian always appreciates a single parent who cares and looks after all his children, unlike his own who rejected their youngest when he fell in love with science.

 

After typing and deleting a  _ fourth  _ message to Barry, Julian's had enough. Singh takes pity on him, glancing at all his completed work and sending him home with a simple pat on the back - Maybe he feels sorry that Julian is picking up the punishment from his boyfriend's… questionable actions. All Julian wants from his night is to be curled up on his sofa, a glass of red in one hand and his boyfriend under the other but alas, that wasn't going to happen. All that was waiting for him at home was their little grey kitty Nora and a library of Netflix movies he hasn't seen yet. 

 

Cold metal brushing his finger alerts Julian to the fact that he's about to dial Barry  _ again _ (As if he wasn't so much of a clingy boyfriend before, he berates himself, usually Bear’s the one who wants to know what's going on even though  _ I'm  _ the one with military training and experience.) Maybe he's worried because he hasn't actually seen him in 5 days - Physical contact is a major thing for Julian, he just has to  _ touch  _ things to believe them. Screams of excitement and joy outside alert him to the time - halfway home and  _ finally  _ the particle accelerator is being turned on. Stalling the car, he gets out and casts his gaze towards STAR labs - If anything is going to go wrong it'll be obvious right? (He knows he's fooling himself, and the ice in his veins knows it to. Something's going to go wrong and he's worried about Barr.)

 

The vibrating phone in his pocket alerts him to the fact that he's received a text. Hands shaking, he unlocks his phone and reads the simple line, a smile creeping onto his face as he stands on the side of the road and laughs.

 

_ It’s amazing isn't it? Totally worth coming back for ;) _

 

(Doesn't help the worry in his veins. He’s opting to ignore it for now…)

 

Somehow, in a cruel twist of fate he doesn't see the explosion happen. He can just see the shockwaves ripple through the air, the plane fall out of the sky and the storm break overhead. It's a disaster is Central, one that will have ripple effects for all of time to come (and the past) but Julian’s only concerned about one thing.

 

_ Barry _

 


	2. Come And Hold My Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allenbert Week Day 1: Pre-Flashpoint Relationship
> 
> After the accelerator explosion Central City is left to pick up the pieces, minus some of their loved ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Allenbert Week Day 1! I'm... not prepared btw. Hopefully I'll get ever day out... But please enjoy this chapter. It was cute to write but kinda tedious... also the relationship between Joe and Julian in this AU is honestly my favorite thing to write - Both seem to be the same generation and on the same wave length - protect Barry.
> 
> Also yes Iris is an evil blackmailer who knows exactly how to get her father to do what she wants but isn't that canon?
> 
> Song and lyrics for this chapter - [Feel by Robbie Williams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk)

_ Come and hold my hand _

_ I wanna contact the living _

_ Not sure I understand _

_ This role I've been given _

_ I sit and talk to God _

_ And he just laughs at my plans _

_ My head speaks a language _

_ I don't understand _

 

_ Barr. Where are you? I don’t understand, why arent you replying? I need to hear you. Please. Where are you? _

 

Frost licked at his heart and soles as Julian scrambled to get to the station. He  _ had _ to see his boyfriend - he had to know he was ok. But, as humanity decreed, thousands of loved ones in Central that night had the same idea as him - They needed to make sure their lovers, parents, siblings and family were safe. The roads clogged, slowing down to match the steady pace of Barry’s voicemail - a torturous experience that left Julian half mad by the time he got to the station.  _ What if I lost my rock? I already lost Emma - I can’t lose Barry as well. It’s just my luck though.  _

 

By the time Julian finds Joe in the swarm of cops his vision blurs against his will and his knees tremble. Somehow in the short period of time since the explosion Joe’s aged 20 years. Shadows twist around him, shoulders slumped and Julian is struck about how  _ much _ he looks like a parent who just lost their child, something Julian is all too familiar with (He remembers once having to tell a mother they found her son in the river - The way the slim, tiny,  _ strong _ spark of hope disappears as quickly as her world shifted. He’d seen people lose loved ones before - his own parents and family themselves - but there he was, watching a woman lose  _ everything. _ She lost everything and held herself together long enough to see them to the door before following her son into the void. Julian swore then to  _ never _ forget her.)

 

He knows he’s watching Joe fall down that same path, following his son down and Julian just  _ knows. _ Suddenly it doesn't matter where he is, who's watching with their dark glares and whispering comments.

 

He just  _ breaks. _

 

_ I just wanna feel _

_ Real love feel the home that I live in _

_ 'Cause I got too much life _

_ Running through my veins _

_ Going to waste _

_ I don't wanna die _

_ But I ain't keen on living either _

_ Before I fall in love _

_ I'm preparing to leave her _

 

It’s Iris who drags him to the hospital, his body on autopilot. Of course it’s Iris - sweet perfect Iris who Julian had to fight claw and tooth with (without her knowledge) to win Barry’s affections - He’s not bitter ( _ I’m only a little bitter. Ok I’m bitter. Better? _ ) but seeing how she is still as perfect as ever even with her makeup smudged from tears and eyes scarlet. All he can focus on his Barry’s heartbeat, teh too-fast pattern of beeps in the stark room that makes his stomach turn and in turn his heart to race faster. It’s no where near Barry-speed, but it's the thought that counts. 

 

No-one ever mentioned what it would feel like to lose the love of your life - He knows he should be angry, angry at STAR Labs for building the Accelerator, angry at Harrison Wells for ever dreaming up it or angry at the world for taking his light like it too the mother’s son - But he’s just  _ tired. _ Already he wants to hear Barry’s voice, to see his smile or listen to another stream of god-awful jokes that he’s heard a hundred times before but Barry still tries to make him laugh at and succeeds every time. He wants his boyfriend back - or he wants to know he’s at peace, not stuck in the half-limbo-half-sleep that’s a coma. 

 

Joe joins him at the 3 hour mark, long after they have taken Barry away for another set of tests. He just wants it to be over already, already weary to the bone and its only the first day. He wants to be home in bed with his boyfriend, a tangle of limbs and sheets but  _ happy.  _

 

No-one mentions that he’s sitting by a empty bed, still grasping at thin air and dreaming for the impossible.

 

They don’t want to pledge the hesitant over the edge after all. 

 

_ Scare myself to death _

_ That's why I keep on running _

_ Before I've arrived _

_ I can see myself coming _

 

Singh takes one look at him and puts him on mandatory leave. Noone’s complaining - Julian looks like he would be at home on the Walking Dead with no problem - and that's coming from a group of men (and women) who live off cheap coffee and snack while they spend their days cleaning up a city wrecked by a impossible explosion and more impossible people. Julian would say he was interested, he knows he would of  _ before _ and Barry would of died (he did practically - but whatever god is out there hasn't held their end of the bargain.  _ Yet. _ ) to see how Central has evolved over time, the impossible  _ becoming _ possible and Barry’s half-mad rambles seeming more and more plausible each day. 

 

Julian doesn't want to go home, doesn't want to think about the missing body next to his and the nights spent in front of the TV, watching everything from documentaries to reality TV trying to get Julian to crack - Barry never succeeded ( _ And he may never do so,  _ a traitorous part of him whispers _ , He may do nothing ever again. _ )

 

It’s funny, watching the same things now seem to always get him to crack. He’d be fooling himself if he lied about why, the only light in his life a muted one when Joe and Iris invite him over for dinner.  _ We don’t want you to feel excluded Julian  _ (Iris never called him Julian before - It was always Albert or Desmond or some pun or joke about the two.  _ Never  _ Julian.)  _ You lost as much as both of us that day.  _ (He ignores how the West’s exchange looks at this - Like they know that they all lost an important person to them but that he lost the  _ only _ important person to him, heart slashed in to and crumbling every second Barr’s asleep, every time he sees  _ anything  _ that reminds him of Barry.)

 

_ I just wanna feel _

_ Real love feel the home that I live in _

_ 'Cause I got too much life _

_ Running through my veins _

_ Going to waste _

_ And I need to feel _

_ Real love and the love ever after _

_ I cannot get enough _

 

Harrison Wells comes to them 2 months in, and leaves with Joe’s permission and a bruised lip. Julian comes away with a bloodied fist and glimer of hope in his heart that died months ago. It doesn't matter about how much he tries to help Barry. Everything he doesn't rubs Julian the wrong way -  _ Something _ is wrong with the man and Julian does not want to be there when that's exposed. Speaking of the devil…

 

“Mr Albert. I wasn’t aware of you and Mr Allen's…  _ relationship.  _ Isn’t there a policy against it at the CCPD? You both seem to be such talented scientists… Shame if either of you lost your job over a simple romance.” 

 

“Do you dig into every relationship of your patients? Ones who are suffering because of your own mistakes? Or are you threatening me Mr Wells?”

 

Wells chuckles and Julian would swear later that his eyes flashed with something darker. Or in this case, something more  _ red. _ He was an army kid - and he’d grown up shunned by his family, spent years in the shadows where the monsters live. Julian didn't scare easy but this? This innocent  _ man _ who is handicapped in a wheelchair made every instinct in him scream. 

 

“Of course not Mr Albert, Just the ones who are breaking every rule in the rulebook for them. Neither of us would want Allen to lose his job over it would we? You do care about him.”

 

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing - You are cold hearted and selfish, thinking it's appropriate to threaten my own relationship when you have not had one in 15 years. You’re our only hope to save Barry, yes I understand that but I will not stand for being insulted constantly.”

 

The doctor just smiles his sly snake smile and wheels past Julian, surprisingly strong arms working tirely as he disappears around the corner.

 

_ I just wanna feel _

_ Real love feel the home that I live in _

_ I got too much love _

_ Running through my veins _

_ To go to waste _

_ I just wanna feel _

_ Real love and the love ever after _

_ There's a hole in my soul _

_ You can see it in my face _

_ It's a real big place _

 

“I don’t trust his Joe - The Meta’s obviously originated at the particle accelerator and now we’ve left Barr there hoping they’ll do something to help him. Wells… Well I don't trust him.”

 

“I know… I looked into his other staff - One Cisco Ramon and Caitlin Snow. Ramon’s clean and all reports say he’s a genius with a heart. Snow lost her fiance in the explosion - I don’t know why she’s still there and loyal to Wells but she is, and I have to give her credit for it.”

 

“So Wells only has 2 people left? Isn’t that a little... “

 

“Strange? It is a abandoned biohazard created by a impossible explosion. I wouldn't want to hang around after my life was ruined by it too. It works to our advantage too - Less people to worry about when everything inevitably goes wrong.”

 

“Hmmm. I just don’t feel like it's a good idea to leave Barr there - I know it's our only hope but something's not right.”

 

“Julian… We all want him back. Iris is… she’s dating Detective Thawne now. I don't approve but I always wanted her to end up with Barr…”

 

“And then he went out and started dating me. A coworker who’s male, none else. Iris is coping in her own way - she’s lost the one person she can confide in, of course she’ll find someone else to help her. Thawne… he’s not a bad guy. A bit upbeat and pretty yes, bad guy no.”

 

“He’s also modest.”

 

“I knew I forgot something - But really, please try be nicer to Thawne? He’s good for Iris and is a decent cop Joe. He also bought you coffee that one time without ulterior motives-”

 

“He was trying to get on my nice side.”

 

“-  _ Unlike _ Iris, who uses it as blackmail. How did she even learn to do that anyway?”

 

“... I’ll go look into STAR Labs.”

 

_ Come and hold my hand _

_ I wanna contact the living _

_ Not sure I understand _

_ This role I've been given _

_ Not sure I understand _

_ Not sure I understand _

_ Not sure I understand _

_ Not sure I understand _

**Author's Note:**

> Updated in tif(btio) first then here - only interested in this story? Stick around. I also would love to know how you all like this so feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> I have [tumblr](https://that-one-mawile.tumblr.com) apparently.


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